Privilege

Video Series: Mirrors of Privilege

This comprehensive training series explores privilege, racism, and supporting transracial adoptive families. Watch all five parts below (each video is approximately 9 minutes):

Understanding Privilege

Privilege is a paradoxical concept. It’s easy to recognize when you don’t have it, but it often goes unseen when we benefit from it. How can something that deeply impacts our daily lives be so elusive to grasp and difficult to explain? We located a wonderful blog that breaks down the complex issue of privilege by using a metaphor to describe what privilege is and how it affects individuals. You can read a portion of this blog below. I hope you’ll be able to see how this story relates to your life and the life of your children. Whether it’s gender privilege, race privilege, class privilege, age privilege or religious privilege, it’s important to recognize when privilege is present and when it’s not. Often, you’ll discover that privilege will be present for you and not for your children, or that your children are simply benefiting from your privilege when you’re around, but lose that privilege when they’re on their own. The more you understand how privilege works, the better you’ll be able to support your children as they negotiate our privilege-saturated society.

Of Dogs and Lizards: A Parable of Privilege

Excerpt from Sindeloke blog post, January 13, 2010:

Imagine, if you will, a small house, built someplace cool-ish but not cold, perhaps somewhere in Ohio, and inhabited by a dog and a lizard. The dog is a big dog, something shaggy and nordic, like a Husky or Lapphund – a sled dog, built for the snow. The lizard is small, a little gecko best adapted to living in a muggy rainforest somewhere. Neither have ever lived anywhere else, nor met any other creature; for the purposes of this exercise, this small house is the entirety of their universe.

The dog, much as you might expect, turns on the air conditioning. Really cranks it up, all the time – this dog was bred for hunting moose on the tundra, even the winter here in Ohio is a little warm for his taste. If he can get the house to fifty (that’s ten C, for all you weirdo metric users out there), he’s almost happy.

The gecko can’t do much to control the temperature – she’s got tiny little fingers, she can’t really work the thermostat or turn the dials on the A/C. Sometimes, when there’s an incandescent light nearby, she can curl up near it and pick up some heat that way, but for the most part, most of the time, she just has to live with what the dog chooses. This is, of course, much too cold for her – she’s a gecko. Not only does she have no fur, she’s cold-blooded! The temperature makes her sluggish and sick, and it permeates her entire universe. Maybe here and there she can find small spaces of warmth, but if she ever wants to actually do anything, to eat or watch TV or talk to the dog, she has to move through the cold house.

Now, remember, she’s never known anything else. This is just how the world is – cold and painful and unhealthy for her, even dangerous, and she copes as she knows how. But maybe some small part of her thinks, “hey, it shouldn’t be like this,” some tiny growing seed of rebellion that says who she is right next to a lamp is who she should be all the time. And she and the dog are partners, in a sense, right? They live in this house together, they affect each other, all they’ve got is each other. So one day, she sees the dog messing with the A/C again, and she says, “hey. Dog. Listen, it makes me really cold when you do that.

The dog kind of looks at her, and shrugs, and keeps turning the dial. This is not because the dog is a jerk.

This is because the dog has no clue what the lizard even just said.

Most privilege is like this.

Privilege isn’t a bad thing. It just happens. We all enjoy some type of privilege, be it race, class, gender, sexual identity, religion, being healthy, knowing birth parents and more. And like the dog in this parable, we often live with the privilege without realizing it. What makes privilege so important to explore and understand is its impact on your family. If you choose to ignore the different privileges you have over your children, a less comfortable space is created, and your children will be left yearning for control over the thermostat.

Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

Excerpt from “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” by Peggy McIntosh

Often, those who are of the majority or dominant racial group underestimate the experience and reality of racism that still exists today. We as a country have made progress in this area, but have a long ways to go. As you think about your own racial identity and the racial identity of the child who will be joining your family, consider the following “privileges” that exist within our society for those of the majority or dominant racial group, which may or may not be privileges available to your child.

Examples of White Privilege

I can, if I wish, arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area that I can afford and in which I would want to live.
I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
When I am told about our national heritage or about “civilization,” I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.
I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser’s shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
Whether I use checks, credit cards, or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.
I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty, or the illiteracy of my race.
I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.
I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world’s majority without feeling, in my culture, any penalty for such oblivion.
I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural insider.
I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to “the person in charge,” I will be facing a person of my race.
If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven’t been singled out because of my race.
I can easily buy posters, postcards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children’s magazines featuring people of my race.
I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.
I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having co-workers on the job suspect that I got it because of race.
I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.
I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.
If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has racial overtones.
I can choose blemish cover or bandages in “flesh” color and have them more or less match my skin.

How to Respond

Example scenarios you may encounter:

You’re at the public pool and you overhear kids saying your child is “dirty” and shouldn’t be allowed in the water.
You’re at a family event and Uncle Louie tells a racist joke about Mexicans.
You’re at a public park and you overhear the people next to you talking in broad terms about Muslims and terrorism.

Your child will feel different. As parents, it will be important to honor your children’s feelings by recognizing their difference and validating their thoughts when they present them. ‘It must be difficult not looking like those around you’ or ‘tell me what it’s like to feel different.’ Never use the phrase: ‘I don’t see you as different.’ This essentially says, ‘I don’t care if you feel different, because this is how I feel,’ which will squander precious opportunities to bond with your child around this important issue. Recognizing their difference will not make them feel worse. At the very least, it will make them feel valued and supported.

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Understanding Racism

Racism is a tricky concept. It affects everyone, regardless of the color of their skin. A system of advantage based on race impacts everyone’s lives: where you live, how much money you make, how law enforcement treats you, odds of being incarcerated, life expectancy, access to public services, educational level and more. In order to effectively explain these discrepancies to your children, it’s important to critically examine racism in our society — even though many people think it vanished after the civil rights movement. National statistics show otherwise.

The overt discrimination and prejudice often associated with racism has been replaced by a more subtle — but equally harmful — system of advantage that benefits the white population of this country. White privilege has been woven into the fabric of our social structure and it is difficult to see if you don’t look closely. Primetime television, cable news, magazine covers and hit movies are all dominated by white faces unless they target a specific ethnic demographic. Scratch a little deeper, and even the entertainment entities geared toward people of color are controlled by white males. Vibe magazine, which features R&B and hip hop music, is owned by Buzzmedia, whose CEO is Stephen Hansen — a white male. Black Entertainment Television is owned by Viacom, whose CEO is Philippe Dauman — a white male. ESPN, which often features African-American athletes, is a subsidiary of the Walt Disney Cooperation, whose CEO is Bob Iger — a white male. If you exclude films with Will Smith, Denzel Washington, Halle Berry, Jackie Chan or Jett Li, how many blockbuster movies can you name whose lead protagonist is a person of color? These could be argued as trivial examples of pop culture, but it helps tease out how the white standard continues to permeate our society only a generation and a half outside the civil rights movement.

Everyone — black, Asian, Latino, American Indian, Middle Eastern — contributes to our perceptions of racism, but the white demographic is often overlooked, or seen as bystanders in a game that only people of color play. The best way to approach racism and its effects on your family is to begin deconstructing the white American role in a racist society. We’re not talking about the clan or neo-Nazi hate groups; we’re talking about typical white Americans who work hard to provide for themselves and their families. We all have a role to play in our fight to end racism. We hope these videos will challenge you and generate questions about how to create a more just world for you and your family.

Discussion Questions

On “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”

Please use the following questions to help synthesize the topics presented in the “Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack” excerpt by Peggy McIntosh. The following questions are designed for every adoptive parent, regardless of race.

Name the five privileges that provoked the strongest reaction and why.
What were your feelings and thoughts as you read the article?
Did you agree with the article? If not, what was your objection?

On “Mirrors of Privilege”

Please use the following questions to guide a discussion between you and your partner and help synthesize the material covered in this film.

For White Parents:

As the white parent of a child of color, you likely don’t see race or experience racist remarks; these issues don’t affect you personally in your everyday life. However, learning to be more sensitive to race and racism can help your child respond when he or she experiences racism. In other words, it’s important to learn about these issues for the sake of your child.

How have these videos changed (if at all) your perceptions of racism and white privilege?
Discuss two different responses (one response where confrontation isn’t appropriate, and a second response where confronting the perpetrator is necessary) to use with your child in common scenarios.
Discuss two steps that you as parents can take to combat racism for your child.

For Parents of Color:

As a person of color, you have firsthand experience of the challenging effects white privilege and racism can have on your life. It’s easy to forget or overlook the valuable skills you’ve developed that help you navigate safely through the white privilege waters of our society — as they’ve become second nature to you. It’s important that you take time and reflect on your life experience so you can pass down those skills to your child.

How does it feel when you see or hear racist name-calling, jokes or stereotypes in public or the media? Based on those feelings, how might you respond when you witness acts of racism with your child?
How does it make you feel when you’re in an environment of all white people? What do you assume they think about you? Based on those feelings, how will you support your child when he or she feels “different” from their classmates or peers?
As a child, how did you feel when you were part of the minority? How did your parents support you through those times? Based on those feelings and memories, what would have been the perfect response from your parents?
Based on your experience, what are the top three lessons regarding race and white privilege you’d like to impart to your child? For each lesson, please discuss how you intend to teach it to your child.

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